


Plan B

by zinnianne



Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, I love them so much, alcohol is mentioned, usopp is weak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 20:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8592058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinnianne/pseuds/zinnianne
Summary: The b stands for bull; too bad Luffy doesn't buy it. In which Usopp may or may not be a talkative drunk, and Nami may or may not be the death of him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A huge huge thanks to [Kelly](http://usoppseyelashes.tumblr.com/)! My conversation with her is what spawned this. If you like UsoNa, she is your go-to gal~

Alcohol was a mistake.

No, no, not just Usopp drinking it. That was a mistake for sure, but he’s not stopping there. The entire existence of alcohol was a mistake. Whatever event lead to it being invented? A mistake. The fact that it has ever been created, sold, and consumed? Terrible, terrible mistakes.

Anything that can cause people to be so _stupid_ and say such _stupid_ things _out loud_ when there’s _people_ around has to be a mistake, especially if said people include a certain Captain who seems to have latched onto what Usopp said in the way only Luffy can, single-minded determination practically changing fate itself.

“You like Nami, right? You should tell her!”

Yep. A mistake. No doubt, Luffy is going to cling to this unless he can be distracted _right now_ – but Usopp doesn’t have meat or anything cool to distract him with, and besides, if Luffy has remembered this since last night…

He’s screwed. Time for Plan B. “What, me? Oh, Luffy!” Usopp laughs, clutching at his sides dramatically. “That’s ridiculous! See, see, I actually said I love, uhh… _tsu_ namis! Yeah, see, I love tsunamis!”

Luffy tilts his head, staring in confusion. “Tsunamis? Why?”

“W-why not? They’re huge waves! Imagine surfing on that!” It almost looks like Luffy is buying it! Usopp spreads his hands apart animatedly, indicating size. ”In fact, I have surfed on one before! A fifty, no, five hundred foot wave! All the villagers called me the Tsunami King, Usopp!”

“No,” Zoro says, coming to stand beside Luffy and crushing any possibility of convincing him otherwise. How long has he been there..? “You definitely said Nami. I was there.”

 _Betrayal!_ Usopp wants to shout.  _Traitor!_ “Y-You were drunk! You must have misheard, haha.”

“I never get drunk.” Zoro’s blunt tone leaves no room for argument and Usopp withers. There’s gotta be some way out of this… “What, you scared?”

He misses the scheming look Zoro and Luffy share, too busy staring at the floorboards and trying to distract himself now. “Yeah!” Luffy agrees. “I can even help you tell her if you want. There’s no need to be scared!”

His hands are balled into fists and he _knows_ it’s ridiculous to get riled up, because Luffy doesn’t even mean anything by it but he _is_ scared, and there’s plenty of reason to be, and he’s shouting before he’s even realized it. “Of course I’m scared! There’s no way I can tell her!! Every single guy is infatuated with her, even Sanji is. And they’re right to be! She’s beautiful, yeah, but she’s smart and funny and kind and… and... Why would she care about someone like _me_ _,_  of all people!?”

The silence on the deck weighs heavier following the shouting he’s done and by the looks on their faces, he regrets it. They look beyond shocked; almost like they’re wincing. Oh, geez.

He isn’t really mad, just… Frustrated with himself. He opens his mouth to apologize, genuine remorse stopping dead in its tracks when someone clears their throat behind him.

Luffy slowly backs up, hitting the railing of the ship and glancing around for an exit. Walking down the stairs would require walking past Usopp; past Nami, behind him.

Having deemed that option impossible, he slowly crawls over the railing, most likely attempting to shimmy his way around the ship. He slips and falls, tumbling into the ocean with a very quiet peep and Zoro slowly dives in after their stupid Captain, sighing to himself.

Usopp watches all this unfold in a sort of daze, feeling his spirit attempt to depart from his body. Anything to keep from turning around. If he just pretends she’s not there…

“And since when do _you_ get to decide who _I_ care about?”

 _That_ gets him to turn around. To apologize, if nothing else. But before he can so much as open his mouth to stammer anything, she’s jabbing her finger painfully into his chest, glaring at him accusingly. “Don’t even start with your excuses! You don’t get to decide who I care about! No one does but me, you got that?”

Usopp nods, ready to agree with anything but she’s not done there. “And! I don’t like your tone, either! Someone like you? You mean, someone who’s a really bad liar? Who maybe needs glasses? Your opinions are totally irrelevant.” The words sting but he takes them, familiar feelings of negativity and dejection washing over him. Who is he to argue? He agrees.

“Because if you can’t even see how great a guy you are then you definitely aren’t allowed to say anything about yourself anymore,” Nami continues, ranting as she jabs her finger in with every point made. “Because! You’re really smart! And funny! And creative! And I really like that about you!”

Wait.

What?

Usopp is pretty sure he got lost somewhere. Because it– it _sounds_ like she’s complimenting him, but she’s still glaring and probably bruising his torso. “You’re a genius inventor and the Clima Tact probably saved my life, and you care so much about everyone and actually you’re really brave,” and Usopp can’t believe he’s hearing this. “Because you’re such a scaredy cat but you charge ahead anyway and _that’s_ bravery and I _do_ care about you, a lot, so you can take your dumb opinions and shove them.”

Forget silence hanging in the air– he thinks it’s actively trying to strangle him. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying desperately to process what he’s just heard. She– she _what_? He’s what? Did he actually die? Is this a dream? It has been days since the ship was attacked, something as peaceful as that has to be fake… ah… so this is a dream...

Nami is staring at him expectantly and Usopp jolts when he realizes it, snapping back to reality. “S-so… so… does that mean… you _do_ want to be my girlfriend..?”

Stupid!! Stupid!!!!! Of all the things to say!? Why _that???_ Why??????

But the world doesn’t end; she doesn’t even hit him. Instead, Nami smirks. “Only if you’re asking me to be.”

Well.

That’s it, then.

This is the end of the road for the brave warrior Usopp. He hopes Luffy remembers that he wants a viking funeral. There’s simply no way he’ll survive this, not when he feels like fainting already, body shaking so badly his knees may very well start knocking together soon.

But… But the brave warrior of the sea can’t go down that easily!! Fight to the last!! He licks his dry lips, tries to force his lips to form words and– “"W-w-w-will you be? Be... be my girlfriend, I m-mean, be, you, be my,”– fails, miserably. It almost looks like she’s trying not to laugh, a smile tugging at her lips. It gives him courage, in a weird way. He wants to at least succeed at this! Surely even he can do this much, can't he? He can! He will!!

”Willyoubemygirlfriend,” he exhales all at once, words blurred together but still coherent enough to be understood. At least, he hopes so. There. He did it. Even if he dies now, he did it. Someone had better be sure to write that on his tombstone. _"T_ _he Great Captain Usopp met a mighty end after his final great conquest, his last act of true bravery and courage and—_ ”

Nami grins, stepping closer to him and cutting his internal monologue short when she places a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “Sure. We’ll be at an island soon– You’re taking me on a date tomorrow. Your treat.” Then she winks at him and turns around, making her way back down the stairs.

Usopp watches her go, raising a trembling hand to his mouth. “K-k-k-kiss…”

And _that’s_ when he finally faints.

**Author's Note:**

> I imagined this set back in, like... riiiight after the Alabasta arc, when they're still such dorks haha. Nami's last two lines came totally from [Kelly](http://usoppseyelashes.tumblr.com/), who is so awesome at grasping Nami's character like omg. Definitely check her out and fall into the UsoNa abyss with us ❤


End file.
